I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
