and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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