I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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