On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
