Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
