shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
