Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
