I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
