My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize