i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
