She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
