At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
