Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
