just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
