i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize