I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
