The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
