don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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