my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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