ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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