Only a mothe r could love this liver
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
