This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
