I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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