Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
