I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
