I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
