His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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