Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize