Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
