i already hear my dad disowning me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
