I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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