Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
