Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
