vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
how drunk are you?
Several
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
