Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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