Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
