I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
