Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
