Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
