The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
