they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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