haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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