as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
