You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
