I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
