On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
