Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
