go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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