I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
