Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
