mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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