i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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