My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
