For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
