The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
