Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
