Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
