Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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