im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
