addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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