I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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