dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize