dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
