Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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