Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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