So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
